Tell us your full-name, age, hometown and passion
My name is Scott E Bananas. I am 32 and from Long Island, NY. My passions are a new sport called beach tennis, trying to be the best Santa Claus I can be and trying to gain some national attention for epilepsy, the most misunderstood illness out there.
What dream are you currently living out?
Right now I am trying to do something fun with the Santa image, although I hate to call it a dream. My goal is to try to use the image of Santa and help raise as much money as I can for different charities, though I am finding this simple task almost impossible. It is something I care very deeply about and I am in shock that I am having this many problems.
Where were you before you decided that it was possible to pursue your dream?
Since I was a young boy, my life has been greatly affected by seizures. From having seizures in showers, falling down flights of stairs, and waking up in random hospitals, I can say I had a difficult life. Plus I was taking medications that have horrible side effects, and I’ve dealt with a type of depression I wish nobody will ever have to go through. Though I looked completely healthy, I was not strong enough to deal with all that epilepsy puts on a person.
My struggles are something that very few people would understand, and I am okay with that. However, it is due to all of my struggles that have made me want to make a huge difference.
I graduated college, and spent my twenties working different jobs, always having problems adjusting. I made things difficult for everyone because I had no control of my emotions or thinking. Maybe this means I am some horrible person, but I would like to think that now I finally have some control and I’m doing everything I can to make up for lost time.
Did you have an epiphany or a change in mindset when you realized that it was possible? When /what happened?
I have had many epiphanies in my life that have helped shape the way I look at things, but it was last May that put me on the path I’m on now. The first two years that I dressed like Santa I did it as a way to help myself. It was such an incredible feeling and I have wanted to top that feeling each and every year.
Last year I was invited to Aruba as Santa Claus, where I spent three weeks having a blast. Once again it was a spiritual awakening and I loved every second. After a lawsuit was settled in April, one in which I spent three years thinking about but got a very small amount, I went back to Aruba with a plan to stay for only a couple of weeks. I went back clean shaven and looked completely different. However, once people knew it was me they all started calling me Santa. Even the children were not that confused, and they seemed to like having me around, calling me Santa the whole time. It was a very powerful feeling and that is when I began to realize that Santa Claus was more than a hobby to me. I could use the image and help raise a lot of money for different groups, especially children. Unfortunately, I could not find the right people to help me out and I ran out of money, which is a major issue. I have developed many different ideas which I know could raise a lot for charity, I just need to find people willing to take me on.
When you committed yourself to walking that path, what changed for you?
Well, for over three years, I have been committed to trying to get the public to understand how epilepsy effects people, and I’ve realized that an awareness campaign would help people a great deal. I was a poor bum caring about nothing but the
“cause”. I realized that nobody in the US cared about epilepsy, so I tried to think of doing something great so some people would begin to understand.
Being able to raise money, and use the Santa image is something that I feel would help out many people. My commitment to this idea has cost me everything, however it has made me a better person. In the past, I was never focused at all, and that caused major problems. Now, I am completely focused, which ironically enough, is causing just as many problems.
What mental barriers did you have to overcome? What fears did you have to confront?
I deal with epilepsy, which effects the way the brain works. My brain is wired differently than most, and I have needed to figure out how to think in such a way where I will be able to function. For instance, when things are bad, my brain gets out of whack, and I deal with deep depression and a range of many emotions in a short amount of time. I have had to question if I was really crazy, which is never fun, or just passionate. I discovered that when I had a little money, I was completely fine, but when I was poor and struggling, people thought I was crazy. Though this might not seem like a great mental barrier, it was a lot more difficult than I ever thought.
As far as fears go. I spent many months living like an animal thinking I was going to die. My seizures were out of control, and then SUDEP ( Sudden Unexplained Death In Epilepsy) really freaked me out. I never have that fear of failing, because I would rather have someone else do what I am trying to do. However, I do confront the fear that I might never be healthy, which is awful because I know how to get healthy. It is not medication or therapy I need, it is the warm weather, exercise, and the belief that I am doing something good for others, which I need. Unfortunately, when you are poor, this simple idea is almost impossible.
What kind of feedback or advice were you given and how did you perceive it?
When a person hits rock bottom, there are not that many people that could understand, especially family. I found a website where I discovered people with epilepsy, and I learned a lot. This was the first time I spoke with people with this condition, and for the first time, I felt that I was not alone. It was these people that helped me get through a lot, and taught me not to give up. It was these people, that I have never met and never will, that let me know something needed to be done, and that I could make a difference. It is these people I have fought so hard for, and myself, and that is all that mattered.
What inspired you to reflect on your former circumstances and begin to define how you wanted to live your life?
December 26, 2005 is an important date for this question. This is when I stopped my epilepsy medications I had been taking for 16-20 years cold turkey. I had received an implant four months prior, and wanted to be off the meds., against the advice from my doctor. However, I was not prepared for the hell I was about to endure. I went through some crazy withdraw symptoms that I never even expected. For the first two months, my brain replayed every bad thought, every bad decision, every bad comment I ever said. It was like a movie I could not turn off, and it was awful. However, I was forced to see what my problems were, and in a sense, I’m glad I went through it. I also realized how damaged my brain might be, and though people think I use that as just an excuse, I came to realize there are things I just can’t do. Without my decision to stop the meds, I still might be a walking zombie.
How has doing what you are doing changed how you see future possibilities and challenges?
This is an interesting question, because if I can accomplish my goal of dressing like Santa and raising money for charities, that means I will be allowed to play the sport of beach tennis, and help the public understand exactly what epilepsy is. These are the three things I am focused on dedicated to. After that, I have no idea if I will ever want another challenge, although I do hope to encourage others and inspire people to never give up. But if I fail and give up, I won’t be able to inspire anyone. Basically, I need a break.
How has your perspective on life changed?
Dressing like Santa Claus has completely changed the way I looked at things. Imagine that a white beard, red hat and glasses, can make most people automatically smile. This image is like magic, and I began to think more about others than my own problems.
I had little food and was living in some hole, yet I remember putting on my suit and hoping on the train my first year. There was this little girl who just came back from a show with Santa, and she was just in awe of me. This girl did not want to hear that Santa had problems, she just wanted to look and play with Santa. Maybe I am completely wrong, but if doing something small (and honestly, growing out a beard, bleaching it white, and putting on a red suit is really a small thing to do) can make such a large difference in the way people look at you, then what kind of difference could something like this have on a larger scale.
What have you learned about life from your journey?
I learned the human heart is a powerful weapon, even if the brain is not working correctly. Though I can’t yet say that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, because I am not at that stage, I have come to respect the human spirit. Through my own struggles, I have come to appreciate life a little more. No matter what a person is trying to do, if they are passionate enough, then they have already succeeded. Being passionate is a great thing, and as long as that passion allows you to appreciate the small things, such as a smile, then we have won the battle.
How do you perceive society?
Looking through the lenses of Santa, I have come to understand that all in all, society is good. I have seen people accept my Santa that I never thought would. No matter what a person is into, most people can appreciate the idea of doing something nice for others. This is something I found most fascinating, because I was under the false impression that only certain people were good. I am thankful that through dressing up like Santa, I realized that society, when given the chance, is good.
What would be your advice to other people who want to live out their dreams?
They need to understand it is called a dream for a reason. Be prepared to struggle, and realize dreams are not easily attained. However, if you want it bad enough, you will be able to use those struggles as extra motivation. Also, please do not get discouraged. failure is the most important thing when pursuing a dream. Failure will make you appreciate your dream that much more.
What is most important to you in life?
My health, both physical and mental. I can say that I am 32, and I don’t think I have ever been completely healthy. I see myself spending my 30s living a nice healthy life. Yes, relationships with family and some friends are important as well, but it will be much easier to focus on these relationships once my health is taken care of.
What are you most proud of in your life?
I guess I am proud of the mistakes I didn’t make. Sure, I made dreadful mistakes, and there are some people that probably hate me, but my parents raised a good guy, and I am proud that despite my struggles, I was never a mean-spirited person. I feel bad for victims, and I’m glad I didn’t take the easy way out.
What is your next dream?
Well, if I can get this dream started about using the image of Santa for good, I would like to become the world’s best beach tennis player. Being a disabled athlete, I feel I could inspire many, especially if I become the best. This whole thing I am trying to do is not about me, it is about using a popular image for others. The beach tennis achievement would be strictly about me, and that is something I might have the greatest joy in, because of the struggles I have had.
Anything else you would like to share?
Yes, epilepsy is the most misunderstood illness out there, and there are many myths that many of us are forced to deal with. Please know that people with epilepsy cannot swallow their tongues, and are not possessed by the Devil. Also, just because you might know someone with epilepsy who appears to be fine, that doesn’t mean that is the case with all of us. Epilepsy effects so many people in so many different ways, I would just like to see a little more compassion.
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